A lot of us get lost in becoming mum. For most of us, the transformation is unrecognizable from our previous self. I know for me personally I felt like every last part of myself had to be broken and rebuilt to become mum. I felt the pull between two worlds that if my past and that of my future. It is by far the hardest, most challenging and most rewarding job I’ve ever done. I constantly question if I’m making the right choices, if I am leading my girls down the right path.
Sometimes we lose ourselves. We become so occupied with being mum that we forget who we are. We forget that we need time to recharge our batteries and keep trying to pour from an empty cup. This affects all of our relationships – those with our partners, our children, family, friends and ourselves. If we keep being empty, this can lead to feelings of resentment, detachment, despair.
Often when we talk about self care, we associate this with long spa sessions, hairdressers and outings, but real self care is looking after ourselves first so that we can give to others. It is not selfish to ask for help, or to do something for you. In fact, these things don’t have to take up a lot of time either.
A simple exercise to help you find what your missing piece is, is to think back to when you were 8. What were the things that you enjoyed doing most? Are you still doing them or something similar? Is there a way that you can do those activities now? it is never too late to revisit a lost passion or hobby. It is never too late to reinvent yourself, to learn a new skill, to master a new challenge.
It is never too late to learn some thing you it is never too late to find yourself and find enjoyment in some thing that is just for you regardless of if it’s some thing that takes five minutes or some thing that will take many years to master you will feel empowered and grateful that you made that space for yourself to learn or to create and to reconnect with you.
A few months ago I came across an old school photo of myself and on the back was written the things that I liked and the things that I didn’t like and I have to say the things I didn’t like are the things I still don’t like now but the things that I did like, that I was most passionate about I realised how few of them I’m still doing.
On this sheet I had listed down that I enjoyed reading, playing guitar, arts and spending time with friends and family. Now while I still spend time with friends and family it’s not as much as I would like and I do spend some time doing art and craft although these days it’s more with my children than for myself and I don’t play guitar in fact I haven’t picked up an instrument in over 20 years! My loving husband has always known that it has been a passion of mine to learn to play the violin and it’s something that I wish I had a learned as a child. He generously bought me a student violin a couple of years ago and while I took it out and I had a fiddle, I didn’t actually learn to play and now with my children being six and three I have just started violin lessons!
What is a long lost passion of yours that you could perhaps re-introduce into your life now? Is there something you have always wanted to try?